Burning (PAVAD: FBI Romantic Suspense Book 11) Read online

  “What do you mean?”

  “Indy was an insular world. We were kept from the front lines as much as possible. PAVAD isn’t that way.”

  “I know you carry now.”

  She looked at him. She never openly carried a weapon, but she had one on her at crime scenes. Too much had happened for her not to.

  And Luc insisted she be armed now. Since Lucy…And because those he cared about were sometimes targeted simply because of who he was. His sister had been, Payton had been. There was no guarantee that she and Lucy wouldn’t be eventually. That was another of her night time worries.

  “It’s hard to miss if you look closely.”

  “I see.”

  “And I remember that you’ve always been nervous of weapons. Even after your training.”

  “I’ve never liked them the way some agents do. But I understand that they are necessary. If I had had my weapon that night, I may not have ended up in a coma.”

  Something she would always regret—if she hadn’t been so defenseless against Hugh Schild. And she would have been able to warn the rest of her team.

  And a twenty-two-year-old file clerk named Andrew might still be alive.

  “He was larger than you and from what the reports said he’d blocked the road. He was getting you out of your car. Whether you had a gun probably wouldn’t have made much difference. Because he had one, and he was a hell of a lot bigger. And meaner. You fought him, and you need to be proud of that. But sometimes you are just going to lose the fight. You didn’t. You’re alive, and he isn’t. And I am so damned glad I can say that.”

  And just like that Sin had her chin in his hand and was turning her head toward the light.

  She knew what he was looking for—the scar from where that gun had struck her skull. She didn’t remember it, but everyone speculated that was exactly what he had done.

  “There’s a scar. If that’s what you are looking for.” She pulled her face away from him and looked out the window of her new home. It faced the large backyard with mature fruit trees and even a small fish pond. Lucy would love it, wouldn’t she? It was private, secluded. Peaceful. And without Luc it wouldn’t be possible. If Hugh hadn’t have attacked her she wouldn’t have met Luc that night.

  And wouldn’t have Lucy, either. Perspective, it was all about perspective, wasn’t it?

  “I am.” He followed her movement, and then he was right there in her space. She could feel his heat, could smell his aftershave. His green eyes looked into hers. “I’m sorry that happened to you. Sorry that someone didn’t realize what he was doing before. When he shot your friend. You shouldn’t have had to go through that. If we can’t protect our people from ourselves, then something is seriously wrong. There has been too many instances where PAVAD or Bureau agents have turned lately. I’m going to stop that from happening again. Make sure you, and Carrie, and Alessandra, and even Seth and Seb are as protected as I can make you. I promise you this, Merrick.”

  There was such passion in his eyes, wasn’t there? Sin had always hidden how he felt; that was one thing she’d never expected to change.

  “You can’t control human nature, Sin. No matter how much you try, there will always be those that are tempted by evil.”

  “Maybe, or maybe I can find them before it happens.”

  “I’ve never known you to be so naïve. Or so passionate.”

  That was the wrong word to use, wasn’t it? That brought up the fact that hardly an inch separated the two of them. She’d been this close to him before, but never without anger between them. Or someone else in the room.

  Why hadn’t she realized that before?

  She tried to pull away, but his hold on her wouldn’t let her. He wasn’t hurting her, but he wasn’t ready for her to move.

  So she wouldn’t be. “Sin?”

  Chapter 28

  “Was that how you’ve always thought of me? Passionless?” Her skin was so soft, her mouth trembling. Passionless? He hated that word. Didn’t she understand that he’d thought nothing passionless about her in fourteen years? Passionate—that was a more appropriate way to put it.

  The scar was minimal and just added a touch of character to an absolutely perfect face. Maybe her eyes were a bit too wide, maybe the blue was a bit too unreal. But she was beautiful in every way. It was easy to see why she’d captivated his brothers—and the richest man in St. Louis. He wouldn’t ask if she’d slept with the man, but how could Lucas have resisted her?

  “I’m not passionless, Merrick. I never have been.”

  “Sin? What are you doing? We should look at the files…” Her voice trailed off and her eyes widened. She licked her lips.

  He had her nervous. Good. He wanted her nervous, aware.

  He had her looking right at him, even better.

  And she wasn’t married to his brother any longer. Maybe if he leaned closer…

  She didn’t pull away. And he took his moment where he found it.

  He slipped his fingers into her hair and held her immobile for a moment. And then he leaned closer still.

  ***

  It wasn’t like a typical first kiss, was it? Why would it be? This was Sin, after all. And he didn’t do anything with hesitation or a lack of perfection.

  No, not Sin.

  Cody didn’t faint from surprise when he brushed his lips over hers, but she didn’t pull away either. Shock held her still.

  What was he doing? She didn’t get a chance to ask; his lips were too insistent for any talking.

  She could have pulled away. Cody didn’t delude herself about that. She could have made a choice; and in a way she did.

  He pulled away first. She just sat there, staring at him.

  “Well, that answered a few questions I’ve always had.”

  “What?” She didn’t mean to gape at him like a completely idiot, but that’s what she suspected she looked like. “What questions?”

  “If you were as addictive as you looked. If you would kiss me back the way I’ve always imagined.”

  Huh? This was Sin, wasn’t it? “Sin?”

  He smiled, a cold, ruthless definitely-Sin expression. “Hmm?”

  “Did this just happen or did I fall and hit my head or something?” She slipped her chair back a few inches to put a bit of space between them. It didn’t matter; he still overwhelmed her.

  Chapter 29

  He was a fucking idiot, wasn’t he? He wanted to kiss her again. And again, and a hell of a lot more places than just on the lips. “No concussion.”

  “Then why did you do that?” There was an accusation in her tone, and he half understood it. He’d violated the unwritten rules between them, hadn’t he?

  But why should there be rules between them? Sin had never denied it to himself—he had found her sexually attractive since the moment he’d realized she was full-grown.

  He dreamed of her more nights than he could count.

  But things weren’t the same between them as they used to be, were they? There was nothing—and no one—standing in his way now.

  If he wanted to push to see what was there, he could. Wasn’t anything to stop him now; that thought had his body tightening again. “Merrick…”

  “I don’t know what you’re thinking, Sin. But don’t ever do that again. I think you need to get your stuff together and leave.” She had a panicked tone in her voice that had him backing off a small bit.

  “I still need your help.” He’d upset her, hadn’t he? That wasn’t something he’d meant to do at all. But she wouldn’t look at him, and her hand was trembling when she started gathering his files. “I need to find this guy before someone gets hurt.”

  “Then we’ll do it in my office. At PAVAD.”

  “I can’t do that. I can’t have any mention of this inside the building. Ed Dennis isn’t completely certain there aren’t wires.” He wrapped his fingers around hers. “Merrick…look at me.”

  She looked up at him.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you.” />
  “Then what did you mean?”

  “It just happened.” A lie. He’d thought of kissing her for years.

  “Nothing with you ever just happens, Sin. There’s always a reason and planning and when it involves me, it’s never good. So excuse me for being a bit freaked out.” She tried to pull away from the table but he still had her hand trapped.

  “So much history between us, isn’t there?” Sin stood, then pulled her out of her chair. She didn’t resist; he half thought shock was preventing that. “Have you ever wondered why that was?”

  “Because you despised me from the moment we met, and hated me for, I don’t know, marrying your brother?”

  “Hated him. Oh, how I hated him when I found out, Merrick. Hated myself. Hated Seth, even, for participating in that stupid coin-toss. I don’t think I’ve ever hated you, though.”

  ***

  “I don’t want to do this. Either we work, or you leave.” It was safer that way. Safer to think of a traitor in PAVAD rather than admit that she was aware of how strong his chest felt against her, how the scent of him tickled her lungs. How hot his hands felt on her back.

  How it felt good to be held by someone again; even if that someone was Sin.

  Chapter 30

  Terry wasn’t one of those idiots who revisited the scenes of his projects. But this one was too close to his home not to. He’d never torched a car before, either, but he’d done that the other night, too. But he’d never had a target escape him, either. Little timid bitch had turned out to be a stronger fighter than he’d expected.

  Even when he’d run her off the road. He’d taken what he wanted, then tossed her tied up in the back of her car. With a bit of work, the car had lit up the night sky beautifully.

  It had been a beautiful piece of work.

  But there might have been someone watching from the house at the end of the street. He’d seen the lights go on. Knew someone was living there.

  It left him only one option.

  And he was going to take it.

  Terry knew the best way to take out a house quickly, and he checked to make sure the old guy living there was still there, passed out from booze and whatever else the guy had probably taken. This wasn’t exactly the best of neighborhoods. Older style house, not kept up properly.

  He could make it look completely accidental, and he doubted anyone would even think to check what he was going to do.

  Terry stepped back and watched as the house smoked and burned. As neighbors yelled the man’s name. As dogs barked and sirens split the night.

  Damn, he fucking loved fire.

  Chapter 31

  “So what’s got your head in the clouds? That’s not like you.” Kelly asked when they were driving to the scene of an arson fire in one of the SUVs assigned to the forensics department. Cody’s team would be following once they had the finished their previous scene. In the two days since she’d moved they’d had four new cases come in to their shift. She’d split her team to work each case individually. And when this fifth case came in, it meant the supervisors were pulling double duty—again.

  “Just tired. And a bit stressed by the move. And some other things.” Like Sin. Like the fact that she hadn’t slept for two days thinking about what had happened between them. Like every time she closed her eyes, she’d see Sebastian with Sin’s face superimposed upon him. Or was it Sin with Sebastian’s face? Because to her there was no denying the two men were as different as cheese and fruit.

  Like when she woke she was filled with far too much confusion for one woman to take.

  “Like what? Talk to me.”

  “Sin kissed me. I mean Sin kissed me. And I melted.”

  “Huh? Are you serious?” Kelly gaped at her, looking like a purple and orange fish for just a moment. “Your ex-brother-in-law? That guy that goes around glaring at everyone? That Sin? The one that makes Mick Brockman look like a fluffy purple unicorn of niceness?”

  “Yes. That one. Two days ago. It just happened and I don’t know what I want to do about it.”

  “Well, what has he said about it? In the two days since?”

  “Nothing. When we were close enough to even talk about it yesterday he just glared down at me. I don’t know what to think. It was so completely surreal, Kel. And it’s driving me crazy.”

  “What do you want to think about it? You have a few options—pretend it didn’t happen or confront him about it. What do you want to do? I’d confront him then enjoy the results. He’s hot. Not Josh-hot, of course, but definitely far up there.”

  “Pretend it never happened and go on. That’s what I am going to do. I’ve slept with his brother, Kel. His identical, probably down to the last mole and freckle brother. It’s better to just ignore and go on.” But that was the coward’s way out, wasn’t it? And that didn’t leave much room for the other issues Sin had brought up, did it?

  If there was already evidence tampering in the division, what else was going on?

  The thought froze her very blood. And had her looking at every person she worked with and wondering…

  She may not have liked Hugh in Indianapolis, but she never would have pegged him for a killer.

  She hated this, hated the lack of trust the very idea brought her. Hated the idea that the only one she could talk to about it was the man who had her so tied up in knots she was dreaming of him instead of her usual nightmares.

  Terrifying dreams of things she couldn’t remember—or hot dreams of the man she’d always thought hated her. Dreams in which she did things to him she never would have dreamed of doing to his brother.

  What did that say about her?

  She was going nuts, that was the only answer.

  “So? Are you going to actually talk to him about it? I think you should. If I had just talked to Josh instead of running away, things may have turned out a bit differently—or at least we would have realized how we felt before we actually did. Something to consider.” Her friend had been so reluctant to pursue a relationship with Josh that Cody had thought they would never forget out how they truly felt about each other. But they finally had—after Kelly had nearly been killed.

  But she and Sin weren’t Josh and Kelly. They didn’t feel that way about each other, at all.

  The memory of that kiss told her otherwise, though, didn’t it? “I don’t have a clue what I am going to do about him.”

  Chapter 32

  Kelly talked her into going out, and Cody finally agreed. Smokey Jo’s was one of Cody’s favorite places and it had the best onion rings she had ever tasted. It was her go-to comfort food. Yes, she would most likely ended up singing for her supper—but that was something she could deal with it. Something she enjoyed.

  She’d arranged for Lucy to spend the night for the second time with Ruthie Brockman. It freaked her out to think about it, but she knew logically that Lucy would be fine. But she still felt a bit panicky at the thought.

  Anything to try to figure out what to do about what had happened with Sin.

  It hadn’t just been a simple kiss, had it? No, there had been more to it than that. Something she had never expected to happen.

  Kissing Sin? No, that had been one of the craziest things she’d ever done.

  Since her friends had all married over the last few years, their time to just hang out and sing had been greatly reduced. Even more so than it had been when they were all being sent to different parts of the country on various cases.

  Now, half of them had been promoted to supervisory positions, the others had all become engaged or gotten married or were now working on their first kids.

  Time for just friends had sort of fallen by the wayside.

  Carrie and Al came in together. Paige and Payton, too.

  Kelly had saved them a table near where they used to sit. Now a younger crop of agents—St. Louis had an active field office of its own, plus PAVAD’s rapidly expanding office—took up their usual table. Some of them had to be at least a decade younger than she was. And tha
t just made her feel all the older.

  “So…”

  “So…” Kelly grinned at her. “What’s up in the wonderful world of Cody? I need to come check out your new digs, don’t I?”

  “It’s a beautiful home. I’ve been there a few times before when Luc was playing with his new inventions,” Payton said. “I’m glad someone is going to be actually living in it now, rather than it just sitting there empty. It’s made for children and it was sad that there weren’t any there. He tried to get Paige and Mick to take it, but they like the one their rehabbing. He won’t sell his test houses because of the advanced technology, but he’ll let people he cares about live in them. My brother lives in one back in Indiana.” Cody wondered if Payton’s brother had the same kind of deal she did. Or was he just telling her that for her pride? He’d told her that if she reported to him how the house functioned for five years, the deed would be hers completely. It did soothe some of her pride knowing others were living in Luc’s houses, too.

  “So it’s an actual smart house?” Kelly leaned forward. “Awesome. Have you checked it all out yet?”

  “Not yet. It’s nice to have voice control of the thermostat, though.” She hadn’t thought much about the house itself, other things had had her too tied in knots. “To be honest, I’m going to need an instruction manual. Luc didn’t tell me about all of his little gadgets until I found the first one. In the toilet tank. I nearly had a heart attack when it spoke to me. The bot that grabs dirty laundry is really handy, except Lucy keeps trying to ride on it.”