Searching (PAVAD- FBI Romantic Suspense Book 18) Read online

  Miranda leveled a smirk in her direction. Jac wanted to throw something at the other woman. She and Miranda had met at Quantico, during their training days and had taken the appointments to St. Louis together. They’d ended up on the same team within months, often rooming together on cases, until Miranda had become the one person—other than Max—that she absolutely trusted.

  She’d been Jac’s best friend for more than five years now. “You going?”

  Miranda shook her head. “I can’t. I’m flying up to Masterson for Meyra’s birthday. I’ve not missed one yet. I’ll only be up there for a day, then back here the next. She and Emery share a birthdate. She makes a bigger deal out of birthdays than Max’s kid. I dropped off my present for Emery yesterday.”

  “Then I guess I’ll go by myself.” She already had gifts picked out and wrapped. She hadn’t missed Emery’s birthday since she’d met Max’s daughter. She was going to have to talk to Max first.

  It was time to clear the air, make everything as right as it was going to get. So they could both move on. This had gone on long enough. She couldn’t keep wondering what that man was up to.

  She’d go nuts, just waiting for him to do something else. Or worse—get the shivers every time his skin brushed hers.

  There was just enough time before the Monday morning briefing to confront that man in his brand-new office.

  She stood.

  Miranda looked at her. “Going somewhere?”

  “Yes. I’m going to go talk to Max.” Get some answers. Figure out what that man had going on in that complicated head of his.

  “Good. I figured you be the one to make the first move.”

  “Why me?”

  Miranda shot her wicked smile. “Simple. You terrify that man far more than he does you. Right down to his toes. Go get him. I’ll let Seb know you’ll join us in the conference room as soon as you can.”

  18

  Jac had never been the type of woman to let unpleasant tasks build up. She’d learned the hard way years ago to face problems head on.

  Maddox James Jones was a big problem.

  Six foot four and a half, two hundred eighty-five pounds of strong, muscled, beautiful male...problem.

  She wasn’t even certain what had happened to turn things between them sideways that day. They’d been in a small country motel in Arkansas after they’d spent hours searching for Shannon. They’d been arguing—something that had happened more than a few times in five years—then his hands had been on her.

  Max had lifted her off her feet, and somehow, they’d been kissing.

  Really kissing. Hotter than she’d ever kissed anyone before.

  She’d analyzed that moment a thousand times in her head since then—she still wasn’t certain who had moved first. His arms had felt so strong around her. Perfect. Familiar yet exciting at the same time. Trustworthy. At the heart of everything, she had trusted Max to never hurt her.

  She’d buried her fingers in his hair and kissed that man right back.

  And then he’d practically dropped her. To compound the insult, he’d done a complete skitter to the hills, like his boxer shorts were on fire. Leaving her staring at the smoke he’d left in his wake.

  Well, she’d corner him in his office now. He couldn’t get away from her there. Enough was enough.

  What had happened had apparently given that man ideas—Max could be slow to act on something when he was unsure of the results. Or nervous. At least in his personal life. She’d seen it before.

  But once he made up his mind, the man was like a hurricane.

  It was time to deal with him so she’d stop feeling like the man’s prey.

  At heart, Max was a hunter, after all.

  Mostly, he hunted the bad guys. Now, she was afraid he was hunting her.

  Miranda was irritatingly right most of the time. It drove Jac nuts nine times out of ten. But she wouldn’t have her friend any other way.

  Jac knocked on the door to the office that now bore the name Dr. Maddox Jones, CCU2 on the doorplate. A rush of pride in what he’d accomplished hit her and had her smiling as she knocked on the window to the office next. The man had worked hard—he deserved every bit of recognition he got.

  He’d seen her.

  He wasn’t escaping her now.

  19

  Max looked up and waved her in before he stopped to think about what she could possibly want from him. “Hey.”

  “Nice place you’ve got yourself here. Love how you’ve decorated.”

  He snorted. He had a desk and a chair and a small loveseat crammed across from the desk, for the rare instances he’d have consults or interviews in his office. And a lamp. There was a lamp behind the desk. That was it. The walls were a utilitarian light gray. The window was eighteen inches in height and six feet long. That was it. Austere didn’t even begin to describe it. “It’s the decorator’s year off.”

  “And you’ve only been in here for what? Two days?”

  “One. I took yesterday off to spend with Em. Let her know there may be a few changes over the next six months.”

  “Why six?”

  He hesitated. The director had made it clear he wasn’t to breathe a word about the temporary nature of his position. Even to those he trusted. To the people in Washington trying to yank Ed’s strings, Max had to appear fully entrenched and not going anywhere.

  But he had never lied to Jac before. “That’s about how long I think it’ll take for the adjustment to happen. What can I do for you today?”

  There was once a time when he wouldn’t have even asked. She would have come in and sunk to the sofa, and he would have immediately known what she wanted because they were that attuned to each other.

  He missed that. Max was still trying to find a way to get that back.

  As well as get her where he ultimately wanted her.

  Strategy was half the battle, but as well as he knew this woman, Max had no clue what the best tactics would be to convince her to take that leap with him.

  Not as hesitant as Jac was when it came to men.

  But that was something for off the clock. Not when she was right there in his office, looking all prissy and buttoned up and proper.

  He’d always loved it when she looked like that. He loved flustering her to put red in her cheeks, and get her eyes to snap green fire at him.

  “Emery’s party.” She crossed her arms over her chest, a sure sign she was feeling nervous. Then her green eyes locked on his. “I’ve not missed one of Em’s birthday parties since we met. And I made her a promise I’d be there. I don’t want it to be awkward between us. So I need to know what’s going on in that head of yours. What are you planning?”

  “What do you mean? It’s a kid’s party, with thirty other kids invited.” He tried to look as innocent as possible. But Jac always had seen through him.

  Jac uncrossed her arms then hopped up to sit on his desk, as she pulled in a deep breath. She stared at him. “Shut the door.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He did what she instructed, mostly out of curiosity. Jac was in confrontation mode—something that was a rare occurrence. She was about to read him the riot act. He bit back a smile. He loved this woman, every bit of her. “So...talk.”

  “Let me boil it down for you. We argued. We kissed. We took a big break from each other, one that got us noticed around here, by the way. Everyone’s speculating it’s a lovers’ spat. Which is embarrassing. Now, we have to fix all of that. Both for professional reasons and because…I miss your kid, Jones. She’s a big part of my life; we both know that. I demand visitation rights. I think you’ve avoided me long enough. We’ll just have to put that kiss behind us—and you can keep your man paws to yourself, if that’s what you’re plotting. So whatever you are planning—stop.”

  “Man paws? That one of Miranda’s phrases?”

  She looked so...feminine...sitting on his desk like that. If he stepped closer, he could wrap his hands around her knees and pull her closer. Lean her back on the de
sk and just kiss the hell out of that sweet mouth again. Maybe pop open a few buttons, see what kind of silk there was beneath.

  He considered it; Max actually considered it.

  There were blinds on the door.

  If he was the kind of man to kiss a woman while on the clock, he would do just that. Tangle his hands in that red hair, disturb the prissy little braid she had it in. Get his hands on her like he really wanted. Looking at her, he knew the truth.

  Jac had no clue how he actually felt about her. Not a clue.

  “Visitation rights? I’m not sure it works that way. Besides, you keep her too many times and she might just want to stay. She loves you.”

  Jac smirked at him and nodded. “Yes, visitation rights. For slumber parties and trips to the mall, and movie theaters and cooking classes and shoe shopping. Those sorts of things.”

  All things Emery loved. Things that terrified Max to his own size thirteens. Maybe he’d give Jac these visitation rights—provided he was included with her and his daughter. The two females he loved the most. “And how do you suggest we do that?”

  “We stop avoiding one another? Stop letting it feel so awkward when we’re together. So that we’re not so aware of each other when we are together? That would be a good place to start. It was just one kiss, you know. Nothing earth shattering. Not even the least bit memorable.” She shot him a snarky look from green eyes. Max snorted. “Not even the last kiss I’ve had this year, by the way.”

  It had sure shattered his earth. Changed everything about his world in an instant.

  “We haven’t exactly been avoiding each other. Our schedules just haven’t overlapped much. Except for Masterson. Who have you kissed?” Now, he had images of her wrapped up in another man’s arms. Jealousy and fury warred until he got himself in control.

  She was free to kiss whoever she wanted.

  For now.

  They’d probably been in the same room two dozen times since the original argument. And that night. Most of those two dozen had been on their case in Masterson.

  When they had been in the same room it was all about work. It had been driving him crazy—seeing her, not being able to touch her the way he wanted.

  Wanting Jac, but not having her.

  He never would have imagined feeling this way about her even a year ago.

  Or maybe he’d just been a stupid idiot with blinders on. Maybe he’d wanted her for a good long while.

  Hellbrook had pointed that out to him when he’d first applied for the transfer the day after the kiss. Hellbrook had claimed he was speaking from experience. He’d suggested that Max hadn’t let his attraction for Jac surface before now because he had been hurting over Pamela and what had happened with her when he’d first met Jac.

  Hellbrook thought Max had most likely suppressed how he felt for Jac as a form of self-preservation. They’d built a comfortable relationship between them after that. Until that comfort became the status quo.

  Hellbrook and his wife, Georgia, had hated each other on sight. That was the exact opposite of Max and Jac.

  Or maybe Hellbrook had been right. Max had used friendship to hide what he was really feeling because he hadn’t been emotionally ready to let those feelings in.

  Not where a woman was concerned. Any woman.

  “You have been avoiding me even when I am standing right next to you.” There went the arms again. Right under her small breasts.

  He found that...distracting.

  He’d spent the last eleven weeks and six days dreaming about what her breasts would look like, late at night when he’d wake in a strange hotel room and wish she was in the room right next door.

  To be honest with himself, he’d wished she was in his bed every time he woke. Every single time. The things he’d imagined the two of them doing…

  That was driving him crazy. “I...hell, Jac...what was I supposed to say?”

  “Come on. What happened wasn’t that big of a deal. Or at least, it shouldn’t be.” She shot him a smirk. One that had his gut heating. Jac knew she had him on the hook, and she was feeling confident. She liked having him twisting right now. “You’re not the first guy I’ve kissed. First one I’ve sent running for the hills, though.”

  “It wasn’t about the kiss.” The words slipped out before Max could stop them.

  “Then what was it about?”

  “Change.” He was never going to lie to her about it. He owed them both that honesty. He’d rehearsed this speech a thousand times since then. “In that moment, I saw my whole world change. And I panicked.”

  “No kidding. You ran like your pants were on fire.”

  “And I hurt you in the middle of it. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I just...Pamela had asked me to consider reconciling that weekend. And I was trying to figure out how to tell her no without jamming a wedge between her and Emery. You know how rocky it’s been between them lately. I had to let her down easy, without her going off the rails and hurting Emery somehow. You…you have always been my constant and to have that changing, too…I panicked. Flat out panicked. And ran. I’m not proud of it. Hell, it’s one of the few times in my life I’ve ever run from anything like that.”

  She nodded. She’d witnessed firsthand some of the problems between him and Pamela.

  “When you came at me over your sister...arguing with you, I just sort of flashed back to arguing with Pamela. I lost control. And I’m sorry for that. I’ve regretted it a million times since that night.”

  “You can’t control everything. We both know that. That lesson is one we both have in common—that’s for sure.” Jac leveled a look at him, still perched on the edge of his desk. “Why didn’t you just talk to me? Instead, you were gone the next day. Off the team. Even though we’ve argued before.”

  “Hell, I panicked. Made a split-second decision when Hellbrook asked me to consider switching teams when he needed someone to fill an available spot. Temporarily. It was supposed to be temporary reassignment. I thought some distance between us would somehow fix what I felt was happening. Stupid, and I’ve regretted it. To some extent. I never intended this to be a permanent change, but that’s the way it’s happening. I just needed some distance—before I screwed everything up between us. Instead, I nearly did all that anyway by running.”

  “And you probably wouldn’t be in here if you hadn’t run like a rabbit. At least not as quickly. With Al going on maternity leave again and everything. So it’s worked out well…for you.”

  She was going to keep sticking that knife in, wasn’t she? Needling him because she knew she had him.

  Jac only did that with him. He’d long thought it was because she trusted him. Felt safe enough with him to make him squirm when she could. Or she had. Once. He wanted her to tease him again—just not at this particular moment. “I did. It took me a few weeks to get Pamela straightened out. And I...”

  “Put what happened between us on the back burner.” She hopped off his desk and just stood there in the middle of his office.

  He didn’t want walls between them. There wasn’t any other way to put it. “I hurt you. I am so damned sorry for that. By the time I resurfaced, it was too late. You were in Tallahassee, I think.”

  “That was a few weeks before Masterson. You could have sent an email. Even a carrier pigeon.”

  “And said what? Sorry I acted like an asshole after the best damned kiss of my life?”

  Heat hit her cheeks. She glanced away.

  Max studied her face as he realized the truth. She was unsure because of the kiss.

  Of course, she was; Jac wasn’t extremely experienced. She’d never told him that, but Max knew.

  “That would have been a good place to start. Instead, you just dropped me like a rock and left me hanging. I would have understood. If you had bothered to trust me.” She came close enough he could smell the shampoo she favored. “We’ve worked together over five years, been good friends for at least three of those years. You should have trusted me to know that I
would never do anything to hurt you.”

  Max wanted to close his eyes and just breathe her in. That’s when her words registered. She was right; he hadn’t trusted her at all. “Jac...”

  “Just...tell Emery I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. And there is no way that I will ever break a promise to her. I know what it means to her for someone to keep their word. Trust…it’s the most important thing there is.”

  She darted out of his office as quickly as she had come in. Leaving him staring at her like an idiot. Damn it. He had hurt her through his careless actions all those weeks ago.

  Deeper than he had realized.

  Making things right between them was going to be harder than he’d thought. Convincing her to give him a chance for something more with her was going to be even more difficult than that.

  It was a definite uphill battle.

  Especially with PAVAD in between them, demanding so much of their souls.

  He needed a plan. A stronger strategy. Something.

  Max sank into his chair and sat there for a long time, just trying to think. He’d broken her trust. Now, he had to find a way to earn it back.

  20

  Jac took the long way to the multipurpose room where the Monday morning briefings were held. Max’s words were replaying in her head now. No wonder he’d overreacted to one simple kiss.

  Pamela had nearly destroyed Max, just before Jac had met him. Pamela had left him for her career and because she’d hated being a mother. Pamela had told Jac once that she had flat out despised the whole process of dealing with an infant on daily basis.

  They’d even had a live-in nanny at that point. It hadn’t been enough. Pamela loved Emery in her own way, but there was some significant abuse in Pamela’s past that made her not want to be a full-time parent. Or even a part-time one.