Out Of The Darkness Page 17

  Who were too young to have any blood on their hands from their grandfather, even that spilled through ignorance.

  Nalik did respect that. Though he would never be able to look at a male Taniss without seeing their sire or grandsire in them.

  It was bad enough that all of the females shared their grandfather’s green eyes. And Aodhan’s female favored her grandfather considerably.

  Yet he knew it wasn’t her fault, what the man had done. Any more than it was his Cassandra’s.

  What Leo Taniss had done thirty years past just was. There was nothing anyone could do to change that.

  All Nalik and the other survivors, and the families of the victims who weren’t lucky enough to be rescued that day, could do was move on to the next day. And then the next.

  Someday, thirty years ago would be just another tragedy in the past. One that had shaped him, but no longer drove him.

  Maybe after he and his female had had a few decades together? Maybe after they had their first babe? He wasn’t naïve enough to think that Cassandra would never hunger for babes. Sooner or later most Rajni females did. And though their males were often overprotective and anxious, the males eventually relented.

  They would be no different. If he could father a child, that was.

  The one question he had never been able to answer about what Taniss had done to him was the question of sterilization.

  Taniss had taunted him with that idea many times, and had cut him on at least a dozen occasions. Sterilization was a damned high probability. When he returned from Gaia he would discuss that with Barlaam or Thad. Two of the top Dardaptoan healers should be able to determine whether Taniss had permanently altered him in that way.

  Before he and Cassandra could make any plans for a family.

  He started down the hall toward the suite where he knew she still waited. He’d passed her sister again in the hall, just outside the sitting room where he’d left Rydere. The girl had wanted her mate, no doubt about it. And she’d been pale and shaky, and not nearly as confrontational as when he’d left Cassandra.

  What had happened between them?

  He didn’t need to use a key to open her door, the handle turned easily for him. He started to lecture her—in the demon world, a beautiful half-Druid such as she would be one hell of a good prize—but stopped.

  He did not want to start this conversation with admonishments of her safety.

  She slept, anyway. Tear streaks covered her cheeks. Had she and her sister argued, then? He stood over her for a good long while, just staring at her.

  She was very young. Almost innocent and untouched, yet she was paired with him. Even to his own people he was old, ancient, scarred and not worth a second look.

  She deserved far better. She deserved a sweet human boy who would worship her and try to give her everything she wanted. Instead she got him, although he’d for damned sure do more than just try to give her what she wanted.

  He’d give her every damned thing she needed, too.

  She rolled on her back, and the sleep vest she wore—traditional to this demon world—parted slightly at the top. Gods and goddesses, he wanted to see what was beneath that top.

  That was what made him turn and stalk over to the couch. It was far too short for a male of his size, but he had slept in far worse. To a being who had slept in a cage, a sofa was heaven—if he believed in such.

  He pulled his vestis over his head and tossed it toward the bag his few belongings had fit in. All his worldly possessions rested in that bag—or in the Gaian world. Did he even want anything from that place?

  He had to admit, the idea of starting anew in a different world with just his Rajni appealed to him on a great level. But what world would it be, demon? Somehow he could not see his little Gaian being content with a world that was several steps behind hers in technology and advancements.

  Relaklonos hadn’t even had indoor plumbing before eighty years ago.

  And what of her sister? She would want to be with her sister; of that he had no doubt. And that meant the world of the goddess. Levia had room for many refugees; that had been made clear before.

  But which world would hold them all?

  There were at least two hundred fifty thousand Dardaptoans who would need rehomed, and nearly as many of whatever Jushua’s people called themselves. Not to mention the Lupoiux who were now joining the Dardanos tribe on occasion. They occupied a good portion of Levia, from what he understood.

  And these were just from Gaia and Euschao. There were still seventeen more worlds that may very well be affected, and there would always be some peoples displaced in wars. He had studied war so many times over the centuries, and that one fact was pretty much a given.

  In war, the innocent lost.

  Each and every single time.

  Someone would have to oversee the refugees. But who?

  He would discuss it with Jushua in the morn. Tonight he was just going to sit where he was and watch his female sleep.

  “Nalik?” Her word was a low whisper, and it surprised him. Had it not startled her to wake and find him in the room?

  “Yes?”

  “I didn’t think you meant it.” She sat up, the blankets falling back around her. “About coming back here.”

  “I do not lie.”

  “I wasn’t sure it was real. I thought maybe you realized you’d made a mistake.”

  He stood and walked to her. The fifteen feet or so that separated the sofa from the bed seemed like fifteen hundred. He lowered himself to the bed near her knees. “I am not mistaken. And I promise to always come back to you. No matter what.”

  He could feel her tension. “You’re leaving?”

  “In the morn. For a day or two. Three, at the most. There are things that must be done in Gaia. I accompany Rydere and Aodhan. Your uncle, too. The Wolf god and Jushua. We seek any of our peoples who were left behind. Or who chose to stay behind and now wish to change their minds. And a few other things I do not wish to discuss tonight.”

  “You are coming back?”

  Chapter 42

  Cass couldn’t see him in the dark; definitely not as well as he probably saw her. But she could feel him near her.

  “I vow to you to return to you and quickly.”

  She had to admit—at least to herself—that the idea of not having to face him for a few days relieved her. Just a bit.

  Emily had told her that if she really was his Rajni their being together was just a matter of time. Emily certainly believed that; and it had been very clear to Cassandra that her older sister was far from happy about it.

  She’d confronted Emily about that. It hadn’t surprised her when Emily had voiced some of the same fears Cass herself had.

  The number one fear being the very real possibility that Cass just wasn’t ready for a forever kind of relationship. Especially to a man like Nalik. He would demand an all or nothing kind of commitment. It was the Dardaptoan way.

  The second fear—and one she hadn’t mentioned to her sister—was that maybe Cass just wouldn’t be good for him. How could he look at her and not remember the torture her grandfather had put him through?

  It was one thing for Rydere, Cormac, Aodhan and the others to know what their grandfather had done to the Dardaptoan people, to know that the Taniss family had grown incredibly wealthy from the pain her grandfather had caused, but for Nalik to marry into that man’s family—even though that man had killed himself after being arrested by Rydere’s men twelve months ago—would be so painful for him. How could he be with her, but not have some resentment?

  She resented her grandfather for the things he’d done to her and her cousins and those experiments had been minor compared to what had happened to Nalik.

  She’d bugged Emily to tell her what she knew about what had happened to Nalik and his brother and sister. And Kindara.

  Emily had been frank with her, sharing that they had all been tortured repeatedly. Had admitted that Emily had seen some of the videos of w
hat had been done to Nalik’s younger sister. In front of him. How he had screamed when the little girl—sixteen or seventeen—had bled to death.

  Cass closed her eyes, trying to erase the horror that had filled her. Still filled her. “When do you leave?”

  “First light. There is much we wish to accomplish. Your uncle wishes to speak with his brothers about family business, as well. I have agreed to accompany him, for a safety precaution. Jushua and I, while the Wolf god accompanies Rydere and Aodhan about their business.”

  “You’re going to speak with my father and uncles?”

  “Probably not much speaking. It is your uncle who needs see them, not I.”

  “I want to come, too.”

  “Absolutely not. There is other business between us that you cannot be party to. It is not safe, and you not strong enough yet.” His hands wrapped around her upper arms and he surprised her by pushing her back against the pillows. “You are best to stay here; the demon king can protect you well in my stead. When I return, I think we should seek out a full Druid to act as your teacher. I believe there is much you still can learn.”

  “For what?”

  “For yourself. You have gifts; however you got them aside, you have them. You need to learn to harness them and soon. Most Druids learn by their thirteenth year—which is why you probably began to retreat around that time, seeking out the guidance you could gain from your plants. Think of them as a witch’s familiar. The concept is the same. If you can be taught how to accept what you have inside you, you can harness it and bend it to suit your needs in any situation.”

  “More so than I can now?”

  “In a healthier way, I think. In a way that doesn’t drain you so physically. And in a way that allows you to impact the earth on an even greater scale. You have strengths unlike what I’ve seen of Druids in the past. There is much inside of you, Cassandra. I am not sure that I am the one to help you bring them forth.”

  More for her to think about. She tried to, but at that moment she couldn’t. “What am I supposed to do while you are gone?”

  He was quiet for a moment. “Relax. Enjoy yourself with your sister and your cousins. Think of everything we’ve spoken of. Decide if you want to throw your life away on me, or if you wish to move on. If you want something different than what I can offer, I will ensure you get it.”

  What did Cass want? Why couldn’t she decide? “I always thought a relationship would grow over time. Not just suddenly be there in front of me, whether I wanted it or not.”

  “Relationships do grow; especially between Rajnis. They spend hundreds—sometimes thousands—of years together. The bonds between them are unbreakable and beautiful. And those bonds tighten and grow every day, every year.”

  And that was what he was offering her; those bonds. Could she handle them with a man she didn’t think she loved?

  Cass knew she didn’t; how could she? They’d spent a grand total maybe three-and-a-half days alone together. And half that time—more, even—they’d been lost, and afraid for their lives. At least she’d been afraid.

  He hadn’t been. He’d been strong and protective, willing to do whatever to keep her safe. Because she was his mate; but was there anything more there yet?

  “Do you want me because your goddess says it’s so, or because you want me?”

  That was the question that had been bothering her, and one her sister had been unable to help her answer.

  For Emily and Rydere, it had been because of the goddess. Rydere had believed Emily was his mate, therefore they would be together. No matter what. But Emily had made the decision to stay with him, when she didn’t have to. He’d been willing to let her go, if it meant she would be happier without him. Somehow she doubted Nalik would make that same offer.

  Of course…their situation was wildly different. Cass knew enough about Rajnis to not be quite as fearful or confused as Emily had been. Rydere had converted Emily without asking. That would be a total big no-no for Cass. She had had enough of being someone’s experiment.

  And Nalik was offering her the choice completely.

  “If I just wanted you because of the damned goddess’s decree we’d have been long mated by now.”

  He had a point. Rydere had taken and converted Emily within hours of meeting her. Same for Josey, Mickey, and Mallory. “Did you just not want me, or something? I’m not sure I understand why you didn’t do what all the other Dardaptoans did.”

  “A Rajni wants only the best for their female. I was not the best for you. Then. I have changed, I think, in the last few days.”

  “How so?” And why?

  “I realized the inevitable would happen. My plans were to go to whichever world you chose not to go to. To put space between us so that I would not force or pressure you. I would not take your choices away, like Rydere did with your sister. But then, you were screaming and frightened. And no one else even realized what was happening or that you were in danger. But I knew. Immediately. We were that connected, already.”

  She remembered thinking no one could help her. And then he’d been there, and she could see his face through that mist, when she could see no one else. His arms had been around her and for a moment she’d thought she would be safe.

  And ultimately, she was.

  But was protection enough to base a life on?

  Somehow she didn’t think it was, although she did feel adrift and unsafe in this rapidly changing world. Cass had never done well with sudden change.

  He shifted, tried to get off the bed. She didn’t want him to. This was a weird world, and to be honest, he was hers.

  Her sense of security, someone she could be honest with, and someone who was apparently putting her needs first. Above anybody else’s.

  Guilt filled her for a moment—what was he getting out of the deal? She was more of a burden than a blessing, wasn’t she?

  Cassandra pulled some air into her lungs, catching just a slight bit of his scent. She forced herself to look straight at him, and to be honest—with herself and him. “What do you get from me?”

  He looked at her, his confusion clear on his face. “What do you mean, what do I get from you? I get you.”

  “But what does that mean exactly?” She wasn’t exactly a great prize, was she? She had a trust fund and never had to work if she didn’t chose to—but he had plenty of money of his own. She was nowhere near experienced as he was, so he was sure to find her boring eventually, wasn’t he? She was much too young to think about getting married and starting a family. And he was an ancient. What would they really have in common? Besides her grandfather? “What would we possibly do together for the next million years? You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. What if when we’re together for a while we realize we just don’t even like each other? What are we supposed to do then? And what if we have children by then? I’m not a big believer in for the children or in broken marriages. Do Dardaptoans even have divorce?”

  Even she heard the small panic in her voice. Her hands clenched on the blankets that were the only thing separating them.

  “We do as your cousins did, only we take it slower.”

  “What about the conversion? Could I even become Dardaptoan if you are not? What would happen if I kept getting older, but you didn’t? What am I supposed to think about all of this?”

  “I do not have all of the answers. I was going to consult with Barlaam and Kindara when—if—you wished it. I do not know if we can even have children. That right might have been taken away from me thirty years ago.”

  By her grandfather. Would everything in their lives always come back to that man? “And that’s another thing. How can you ever want me, knowing what he did to you?”

  He yanked the blankets out of her hands and then grabbed her. He hooked one arm around her back and then rolled until she was straddling his hips and he was leaning against the elaborate headboard. Cass found herself almost nose to nose with him. He reached out and flicked on the strange lamp next to the bed.


  That’s when she noticed that he wasn’t wearing anything other than a pair of loose cottony pants. Her hands rested against his chest. He was a well-defined man, with little hair marring his skin. He had some strange tattoos and that surprised her. She’d seen similar on Josey’s husband Cormac when he’d been swimming with her and Josey. They had meaning, she knew they did. But she’d never asked Josey. Now she wished she had. She wanted to touch, and she sensed he’d let her. Her fingers spread wide; she could feel his heart beneath her palm.

  Chapter 43

  He pulled her close. “I want you to understand something. From the very moment I saw you in the gardens in Colorado and realize you were mine, I never once thought of you and your grandfather in the same way. You are not him. You will never be him, and I have never confused that. I never will. I have watched you and wanted you for months, for who you are. Do you understand that? I want you. Every last bit of you.” He held her against him and Cass felt his heart rate pick up when he kissed her again.

  His hands dropped to her butt, flexed on her flesh. Cass didn’t care. Her hands tightened on his shoulders and she kissed him back with every bit of emotion she felt.

  This was the man a goddess had decreed was hers. That was a very powerful thought. His fingers went to work on the sleep top she wore. It was held together with ribbons, little decorative frills that made little protection from a man’s questing fingers.

  Before she could even breathe, she was naked from the waist up. He pulled back and sucked in a breath, cursed. His hand touched her breast, and Cass’s eyes watered when she realized he was trembling.

  This man was trembling because he wanted to touch her. How could she ever understand that? His fingers quested over her skin, and then she was the one shivering. His hands were big, hot, just rough enough to contrast against her softness.