Seeking (PAVAD: FBI Romantic Suspense, #15) Page 15

  There were men she trusted, of course, but there had always been that wall between them and her.

  Her fault, no doubt. “Can I?”

  His hand went around her and he pulled her closer. Right out of the truck and to the pavement. He held her there for a moment. Shannon just let him. Just for a moment. Until she could feel his breath on her skin. She parted her lips.

  And just let him in.

  SEVENTY-ONE

  EZRA FORCED HIMSELF not to rush her. It wasn’t the time for hot heat, but for connection. Reassurance. To keep it easy and sweet. Despite what had happened between them in her hotel room that night, they didn’t have a real relationship yet. It had been a moment in time, and they both knew that. He knew what he wanted from her—just the chance to have someone who got it.

  Who made him think the world was an all right place again. Even if just when he was with her.

  Just how alone he actually was had hit him when they’d been stuck in that damned Arkansas cabin for three days.

  No one but Cam, Leina, and a few friends and colleagues would have missed him if he had never made it back.

  But her... She was the light to so many people.

  She had been the only light he’d had those long three days. He’d gotten through by focusing on her. He knew enough of his own head to realize that.

  The moment when he’d heard she’d been hurt today had changed everything, and he knew it. But he wasn’t about to use what had happened between them to get what he wanted out of her.

  It wasn’t about just sex with Shannon.

  He’d known that from the moment he’d walked out of her hotel room door all those weeks ago.

  Ezra had needed the connection to another human being, specifically to her, in that moment. Because she had been the one person to matter to him for the entire time they’d been held in captivity.

  His whole world had centered on this woman for more than seventy-two hours straight.

  It had changed him.

  Ezra would never deny that.

  He pulled back and smiled to himself when she blinked up at him. Shannon had the most intriguing eyes he’d ever seen. Not quite dark brown, not quite dark gold. But it was how expressive they were that he wouldn’t ever forget. He’d seen her eyes filled with determination, humor, worry, and terror.

  And lust. Hunger for him.

  He wanted to see that again. “Come on. We should get inside before the old guy in the window there wonders just exactly what we’ve been doing in this truck this entire time.”

  “Mr. McClanahan? He’s watching?”

  “Oh, yeah. He’s watching. I think he has binoculars.” Ezra turned serious. There was so much he wanted to say but couldn’t quite find the words. “Once this case is over, we need to talk. Show each other everything.”

  She laughed. “Everything, Hahn? I’ve already seen everything you got.”

  “You play your cards right, and I’ll let you see them again.”

  “Ez... We—”

  “We what? Can’t care about each other? Because it for damned sure feels like we can to me.”

  SHANNON DIDN’T know what she had intended to say. But she wasn’t pushing him away like she knew she should. Something shifted in her. An opening of the resistance she’d felt towards him. A softening in her defenses.

  She just wanted to be held for a while.

  What could have happened out there today still played over and over again in her head. She needed to forget for a while.

  The sun was setting. The forensics teams were cautiously combing over the crime scene. It would take hours before her team had anything substantial to go on. No doubt half her team was doing the early stage work right now. They didn’t need her just yet. It was better to come at it with a clear head first thing in the morning.

  But she...she needed him right now.

  His arms around her felt kind of right. Like that was exactly where she was supposed to be. At least for a little while. They’d stop the monster tomorrow. When she wasn’t quite hurting so much. She twined one arm behind his neck. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been carried by a lover like this. Except him. She shivered. “Ez?”

  “Yes?”

  “Take me to my bed. Just...to hold?”

  Decision made. Whatever was going to happen between them would happen. She was going to stop fighting it all the time.

  He didn’t hesitate. Shannon found herself off her feet in less than a blink.

  “Which direction?”

  “Upstairs. To the right.”

  He nodded, then his lips were on hers as he carried her up the stairs.

  So gentle.

  Shannon just held on.

  EZRA REALIZED something had changed between them in the way her arms tightened around him. In the eyes she turned toward him. His throat constricted. He didn’t know what it meant for them in the future, but it didn’t matter.

  What mattered was the woman in his arms.

  Her legs snaked their way around his. He shifted, hitching her closer until they could feel one another as close as possible.

  By the time he made it up the stairs, the embrace had changed. He didn’t know if it was him that had done it or her.

  But it had.

  It became less about holding and comforting and more about confirming they were both alive.

  Shannon Toliver wasn’t a passive lover. She gave as good as she got.

  He knew that from experience. His hands cupped her ass and he pulled her closer.

  He paused halfway up her stairs to kiss her. To show her how he felt without having to say a word.

  Because he didn’t have the words to give her. Not right then. The emotions rushing through him were far too complex to identify quickly.

  Ezra said her name as he lowered her to her bed. He followed her down.

  She reached for him, her hands spreading over his chest. “Ez... We’re crazy, aren’t we?”

  “Maybe. I think we have the right to be, don’t you?” He wanted her shirt off. Ezra didn’t stop until he had it off. The bra she wore beneath was the palest yellow silk. His fingers curled. He wanted to touch, to taste—and he was going to.

  “You’re one hundred percent certain of this? You have to be hurting.” And he was fighting the urge to paw at her like a damned caveman. He started to pull back.

  He should let her sleep. He could just hold her. He’d like that very much.

  “Yes. Why do you keep asking? Just a scratch. He wasn’t a very good shot.” She gave him a typical Shannon-snark smirk. “You having second thoughts? Need me to lead the way?”

  He snorted. “Hardly. I’ve done this before.”

  “You sure about that? You’re definitely taking your time.”

  “Babe, there are some things that shouldn’t be rushed. What’s about to happen between us is at the top of that list.”

  And he was going to make damned sure of it.

  But when he touched her, it was more about the healing than the hunger. And he had no doubt that they both knew it.

  SEVENTY-TWO

  IT HAD BEEN a long time since Chas had felt remorse for his actions.

  Chas had been trained to make his mark, and he’d followed through. The most vulnerable person in that courtyard deli today. It had sent a clear message. Everyone had scrambled to her side.

  It had sent a message to them, but to him, as well.

  They’d cared about her. Greatly. It said a lot about the kind of woman she was to have had those men moving to her like that.

  They hadn’t hesitated, even though it had endangered some of them to be in the open like that.

  He wouldn’t forget the fear for her on her teammates’ faces.

  He hadn’t hurt her too badly. At most, Shannon would have a scar to remember him by. Nothing much. Every time she looked at it, she’d remember him. That mattered.

  She could have been killed, but that was a risk he’d taken. A risk she’d taken.

&nbs
p; It was like they’d teased the edge of death together today.

  That meant something.

  It had been a while since something had meant anything to him at all. He thought of how her flesh had bloomed with red. How he had seen the stain, even against the black of her FBI jacket.

  He’d caused that. Chas had changed her in that moment.

  In that fraction of a second, they had been more connected than two people could be—outside of the bedroom.

  For a split second, he hadn’t been invisible.

  And yet, she’d barely even looked at him that morning on the bus.

  Did she even realize that he’d practically counted every breath she’d taken from the moment they’d sat down next to each other on those narrow seats?

  He’d been able to smell her perfume—light, floral, so feminine his body had ached. He’d wanted to lean closer.

  But he had to be invisible to her. Just the next throw-away man in a disposable world.

  At times, Chas hated what he’d become. The monster in so many nightmares. He wanted to walk out there without looking over his shoulder all the time. Chas had lost count of his total number of hits. Of those who had died, those who hadn’t.

  But Shannon...He would always remember Shannon.

  She hadn’t deserved what he had done. His regret pierced right through him.

  Chas surprised himself at the convenience store where he’d stopped to buy dinner when he put a single rose in a clear wrapper on the counter without thinking of anything but how she’d enjoy receiving it.

  They had connected in that instant. She’d understand.

  Chas knew she would.

  It took him little time to park in front of the empty apartment across the street. When he finally found a spot and made it back to his nest, rage had replaced everything.

  Chas picked the rose up and crushed it beneath his fingers.

  He wouldn’t be giving it to her. Not now.

  Ezra Hahn’s behemoth orange truck was parked in front of Shannon’s home. As if it belonged there. Ezra was inside with his Shannon.

  Damn him. Damn him. Damn him.

  Damn the both of them.

  SEVENTY-THREE

  SHANNON CHECKED HER phone, careful not to wake the man sleeping next to her. Ezra Hahn liked to hog the bed. Big time.

  It was a good thing she didn’t have a cat. There wouldn’t be any room in the bed for it. Her phone buzzed with another text.

  This time from the great Cam Lake himself. It wasn’t even ten yet. She half suspected there would be a few more texts on their way.

  She peeked at him. Ezra was completely out. He was probably in worse shape than she was—he’d told her that his team had been up for a straight thirty-six hours. Leina had told her he and Cam had taken the lead while she’d stayed in the precinct fighting morning sickness.

  It made her feel more than a bit protective and tender toward the man. Made her just want to snuggle him and take care of him for a little while.

  Definitely not anything she’d ever felt for a man before. He’d been there for her right when she had needed him.

  She rested her head on his chest, listening to the beats of his heart against her ear while she held her phone.

  Her phone buzzed again. Mia. Followed by Dani, from Ezra’s team. Jac Jones, Giada Mitchell, and Lara Campbell were next.

  Everyone wanted to check on her. See how she was. Shannon understood it. They’d never lost a PAVAD agent in the line of duty, but it had come close a few too many times. Especially in the CCU.

  That Jaynice Miller was still fighting for her life in intensive care just made that hit a little harder today. Many people knew her, had worked with her before.

  Ezra flopped onto his back, his long arm snaking around her waist. His eyes opened, and he looked at her. Stared. “You’re real.”

  “Sure am, babe.”

  He smiled as his eyes closed. “Damn, you drive me crazy, babe. Been thinking about you for weeks. Can’t take my eyes off you for a minute. Now I’m starting to get how Cam feels.”

  She closed her eyes and snuggled against him, wondering just what in the world she was supposed to do with him now. And why those particular words had seared her straight to the heart.

  SEVENTY-FOUR

  CHAS WATCHED HER window until the sun disappeared and the stars tried to fight their way through the smog covering the city. He could see the damned arch from where he perched. None of it mattered. Just the betrayal.

  His Shannon was in there, giving herself to Ezra Hahn. Ezra, who had never done anything to deserve a woman as beautiful as Shannon.

  It should be him she had greeted in just that way.

  He was damned tired of being invisible. Especially to her.

  He closed his eyes for a moment and put himself in the place of the man he wanted to be, though he forced his body to remain completely immobile.

  Chas slipped his keys into the lock, the weight of the long hours behind him finally lifting. He was now right where he belonged.

  He could hear her singing in the kitchen. The woman who had become his world in so short of a time. After Amelia, he hadn’t thought he’d ever find a woman who’d welcome him like this.

  But Shannon would.

  He knew she would.

  She was his second chance at everything.

  Glasses jingled in the kitchen, and he headed there first. The cat—a kitten he’d found wandering the streets a few months back—meowed at him. Chas didn’t bother to stop. There would be time for the kitten later.

  Now...he needed her. He didn’t get to be with her very often; their work schedules prevented it. But he wanted to see her. Right now. “Shannon?”

  She turned, dark eyes lit with love when she looked at him. One small hand reached for him, the ring he’d given her sparkling in the setting sunlight filtering through the window. “Chas! I’ve been waiting for you!”

  He reached for her and pulled her into his arms.

  Right where she belonged.

  His lips brushed hers.

  It was a long time before he came up for air.

  When Chas blinked himself back into reality, the chill of the rain had frozen him to the skin. He was shaking, but he’d been conditioned so well to adverse conditions that he barely noticed it.

  He wasn’t in that sweet, warm, beautiful woman’s arms like he longed to be.

  Not even close.

  But Ezra was.

  And that just was not right. It was not the way things were supposed to be.

  SEVENTY-FIVE

  THIS TIME, EZRA stayed the night.

  He was there in the morning when she opened her eyes, and he was holding her tight in his sleep.

  Like he had all night long. Both this time—and the last.

  It had her off-kilter long before they made it out of her bed.

  Shannon kept her thoughts to herself as they readied themselves for the day quickly. He had a bag in his truck. When he came back in from grabbing it, she was already in the shower.

  They didn’t have much time for heart-to-heart, bare-the-soul relationship conversations.

  Thank goodness. She’d never been good at those.

  It was easier not to say anything as they made it into PAVAD three hours earlier than their normal shift.

  It was time to get down to business.

  Her team had been up non-stop since yesterday. She and Ezra and whoever was left still standing on her team were the second wave. The reinforcements.

  Jaynice Miller needed them at one hundred percent. Better.

  No one knew if the older woman was going to pull through or not. It didn’t look good. Her fiancé’s prognosis hadn’t changed at all.

  No one knew why the shooter hadn’t fled yesterday, why he had stuck around to take potshots again. He should have been long gone. To stay on that roof had been beyond risky.

  She suspected most of her day was going to be spent combing over surveillance footage, trying to find an
yone who stood out.

  None of it made sense.

  She was conscious of Ezra at her side. They stopped off at REY, where he spoke with his supervisor for a few moments, getting himself officially assigned to the CCU for this case. It surprised her that Agent Brockman was already in. It was extremely early for most of PAVAD, but the woman’s desk was covered with open files.

  Ezra handed in his paperwork for the missing girl in Tallahassee and asked about any new cases for REY. Inevitably, there would be some. And soon.

  There would always be an endless churn of cases in the PAVAD world. Shannon would unfortunately be able to make bank on that bet.

  Leina was there, having come in early to bring her husband breakfast and clean clothes after he’d pulled an all-nighter. Shannon spent most of the time Ezra was with Agent Brockman at her friend’s desk. Ezra had very emphatically told her she wasn’t to go anywhere without him.

  Shannon humored him.

  Poor Leina looked green. It really didn’t go well with Leina’s curly red hair. Apparently, Leina pregnancy was going to be a bit more difficult than Mia’s had been.

  Leina didn’t hug her—they were on the clock, and neither were really big huggers—but the worry was there. “You ok, Shan?”

  “Just clipped a wing. I’ve had worse. Ezra’s a better shot.” She and Leina had known that from the moment Ezra had shot Shannon to save Leina’s infant nephew.

  “Call went out that an agent was hit and that it was pretty serious. For a moment, we didn’t know who it was. What team. We just knew CCU4 and the local field office were out there somewhere. Then word came that Team Four had taken a hit, but no one knew who or how bad. Mia was with me. We knew odds were good it was you, Ken, or Evan. Not something we’re going to forget about for a while.”

  And that fear for her husband still blazed in Leina’s brown eyes. Shannon shivered.

  She knew exactly how dangerous this job could be. She could feel the burn of it in her arm. To know that the person you loved was out there somewhere in danger and you couldn’t protect them had to be terrifying. Especially when you knew it was likely something would happen eventually.