Seeking Page 11

  He didn’t know what he was going to say or do with her, but anticipation pooled in his gut. He couldn’t wait.

  SHANNON SAW him the moment he arrived. Almost like he had a homing beacon attached to his forehead. He wore jeans and a faded T-shirt that showed every muscle the man had. He’d cut his hair shorter than she was used to seeing. The dark sunglasses shaded his eyes from her view.

  But she knew the truth. The man was looking at her. Watching every move she made.

  Leina said something to her, but Shannon didn’t catch it. “What?”

  “I asked if you would grab Ezra and take the chairs around back for me.” Leina’s brown eyes were filled with humor. Her friend knew what Shannon was thinking. “I’m sure he can handle the task better than Cam could. Cam is likely to build a fort out of them or something.”

  “No doubt.”

  “Great. The chairs are in the garage. The key to the side door is in the kitchen on the hook next to the fridge.”

  Leina didn’t give her a chance to protest.

  No doubt her friend thought it was funny. Everyone had made comments about how she and Ezra acted toward each other at one point or another. No doubt they were waiting for the two of them to provide the entertainment again.

  She wasn’t about to give them what they wanted.

  She slipped inside Leina’s back door. She was starting to be as comfortable in her friends’ places as she was her own. She was starting to feel like she actually belonged in St. Louis, finding her place. Making a life in this new city.

  It had taken her a while.

  Or she had been starting to feel that way, anyway. Until that night at Smokey Jo’s.

  She paused, closed her eyes, and forced herself to take a deep breath.

  It was because of Ezra that she was feeling so unsettled. She couldn’t let him do this to her.

  A hot male hand landed on her shoulder, as she rounded the west side of Leina’s house. “Shannon?”

  She squeaked like an idiot. She spun a pirouette fit for a prima ballerina, her hands coming up defensively.

  Ridiculous. She was at a birthday party, after all. With friends.

  And with him.

  Ezra stared at her. He’d changed into swim trunks and had water glistening on his chest. She closed her eyes. He just looked too good for words.

  Damn it. He’d definitely screwed her hormones up.

  “Hey, what are you doing?” His hands landed on her arms. “You ok?”

  “I’m thinking.” Thinking what an idiot she was being.

  “About?”

  “This. You. What happened. Tell me to stop.”

  Shannon forced her eyes open.

  When had the man moved closer? “I... Damn it. You confuse me.”

  “I’ve not seen you in weeks.” He stepped closer. He pulled her closer. “I wish I had.”

  He didn’t mean it, she knew that with one look into those dark eyes of his. But she didn’t know if he was just trying to talk her back into his bed, or if he was after something else entirely. It was so hard to tell with Ezra—he had always been an utter mystery to her.

  From the moment she’d first laid eyes on him. And he’d made it very clear that he hadn’t found her all that favorable.

  The abduction had changed everything. Possibly forever.

  Shannon had to admit that she was happy things weren’t as hostile as they once were between them, but this shift had disconcerted her more than she ever would have thought possible. “We both are old enough and have been in this game long enough to know that doesn’t happen any longer. If we want things to work out, we have to make them do exactly that.”

  Hard male hands wrapped around her waist, and she found herself lifted off her feet and pressed against the expanse of exterior wall. Ken and Leina’s home was a ridiculously large adobe structure, smooth and cool at her back. Between the building and the landscaping, they were afforded more privacy than she would have expected.

  She could hear Leina’s children laughing as they splashed around in the pool. Could hear Ken calling for his wife.

  All of that registered in the back of her mind as Ezra pressed against her.

  “I’m willing to make things work exactly the way we want them to. But you can’t continue to be a coward about it.”

  “Ezra...” It didn’t help that she was wearing a bathing suit. That she could feel exposed male skin pressed up against hers, or that he felt slick and sleek beneath her palms. He scrambled her mind.

  It so wasn’t fair that he was...him.

  But her hands weren’t pushing him away the way the sensible part of her brain was saying. No, they were clinging to him the way the reckless, crazy, hormonal part of her brain was shouting. She whispered his name again, but there was no sound to escape.

  His mouth prevented that from happening.

  Damn him; once again, Ezra Jackson Hahn had screwed with her head—and her hormones—enough to wimpify her to her core.

  Well, that and a few other emotions Shannon didn’t even have the time or willpower to identify.

  He dropped one hand to her naked hip and tightened his fingers around her flesh. He used his hold to pull her lower body more in line with his.

  Shannon went willingly. Heaven help her, she went willingly.

  FIFTY-TWO

  EZRA KEPT THE kiss within the bounds that were appropriate. They were guests of the Chalmers, and there were kids far too close for him to really do what he wanted with her. It was the little red bathing suit that had made him act like an idiot, and he knew it. It wasn’t even revealing—far from it. But it was what it concealed rather than revealed that had caught his attention.

  He hadn’t known she’d be there when he’d accepted Leina’s invitation—but he’d suspected. Hoped. He could hear Cam laughing like a lunatic from where he played with Leina’s girls in the pool. He could hear the sounds of the people he liked and respected as they enjoyed this rare downtime.

  It was the perfect day for it.

  He hadn’t intended to spend the entire day there, until he’d seen her.

  Plans could change. His had.

  He’d meet up with his friends Geoff and Chuck a hell of a lot later.

  Ezra forced himself to pull back. To actually lower her back to the ground where she belonged.

  Her lower lip was swollen. Ezra brushed one thumb over it lightly. “How are you getting home?”

  “C-Cam and Kyra. They picked me up this morning.”

  “I’ll drive you. Square it up with Cam myself. I think you and I need to do some serious talking.”

  “Talking? Is that what you’re calling it?” a voice asked from behind them. Ezra jerked around to see Max Jones standing there, smirking. His young daughter was visible running around the yard toward the pool. “Wouldn’t mind doing some talking with Shannon myself.”

  “Screw yourself, Jones.” Ezra didn’t miss the total mortification that hit her face. But she didn’t pull away; instead, she buried her face in his chest.

  “Is Max gone?” she asked.

  “Nope. Still right here. Don’t worry. You’re secret’s safe with me, Toliver. Though I thought you had better taste than that. Thought we had plans to marry on the fifth Tuesday next February 30th?”

  “Can it, Jones. Chalmers and the rest are over there.” He felt like a jerk, putting her in a situation where she could be embarrassed. But he wasn’t about to say anything else. “Go find them. And keep your yap shut.”

  “Aye, aye, Captain. Hear no evil, see no evil.”

  He wasn’t ashamed of how he felt about Shannon. And he was tired of hiding it. As soon as she was ready to shout it from the rooftops, he’d do just that.

  Metaphorically speaking, that was. Neither of them was the type to declare their personal lives to everyone they met.

  Maybe he’d just take her to Smokey’s. Walk in with her at his side. Even hold her hand like some damn sitcom teenager. Pull her tight into his arms and dance with her o
n the small dance floor.

  It wouldn’t take PAVAD that long to figure it all out.

  They could make a damned declaration without having to say a single word.

  He forced himself to step back, to give her some breathing room. “Well, good morning.”

  “Morning?”

  He smiled. “It’s 11:55. It’s still morning.”

  “Yeah.” Doe eyes narrowed on his face. “You can’t keep doing that. I can’t think when you do that.”

  “I’m that good, am I?”

  “Conceited ass. I’m going to drown you. First chance I can.”

  He laughed as he watched her stomp off.

  FIFTY-THREE

  SHANNON KNEW SHE was acting like an idiot teenager. She should grow a spine where that man was concerned. How often had she left their interactions end in just this way? He was like a kid, constantly pestering her to make her blow her gaskets. This change between them was just a variant on that. A way for him to express those other feelings she didn’t want to think about.

  She hoped like hell the water in the pool was ice-cold.

  No doubt she and Ezra could both use the cooling off.

  Before she did something completely stupid, like let him take her home. Let him walk her to her door—then drag all those perfect man muscles up to her bedroom and do wicked things to him that would make him blush.

  She had lost her mind. It was as simple as that.

  At least where he was concerned.

  The rest of the afternoon barbecue went beautifully. She busied herself helping Leina with everything. Poor Leina was probably going to be green for the duration of the pregnancy she’d finally announced that morning. She and Kyra and Mia all discussed morning sickness and swelling and stretchmarks and all things Shannon did not want to even think about.

  It felt weird.

  They were all moving forward in their lives with families and husbands. Becoming the next step in life.

  She was still stuck. She didn’t even have a cat.

  A goldfish couldn’t survive her. She’d tried. It hadn’t been pretty.

  She entertained the two little girls and their visiting friends for a little while. When she came out of the water, finally, she knew her hair was going to be difficult to deal with, but it had been worth it to play with the kids so freely. It had been a long time since she’d felt so...free.

  Leina’s nieces—now her adopted daughters—had had a rough start in the world. It reaffirmed her hope in good things to see how happy they were now, just doing something as simple as swimming.

  “You’re a good swimmer,” Ezra said near her ear as he handed her a towel.

  “I learned when I was nine. My ten-year-old brother almost drowned because we weren’t strong swimmers. My mother took us all out to the lake every weekend for an entire summer, making certain we all knew how to swim and how to do CPR.”

  “My sister and I both used to compete in high school. She was better than I was. She almost made the Olympics.”

  She hadn’t known he had a sister. Ezra didn’t talk about his life much at all.

  Just what she didn’t know about him sank in.

  Fortunately, Ken and Leina distracted everyone with promises of dessert.

  Shannon did her best to avoid him the rest of the afternoon.

  Until everyone was packing up to leave and Cam looked at her. “Ez has offered to drive you home. You good with that?”

  “Good?” No. Not really. Every opportunity they were alone was another opportunity for her to give in to the raging hormones telling her he was the greatest thing since sliced chocolate. “But it makes sense. If he doesn’t mind.”

  It would be far less out of his way to give her a lift than Cam and Kyra’s.

  Never again. She would always make certain she had her own transportation. At least when the possibility existed that he was going to be there. A girl had to be careful with a guy like him around.

  He could mess with her senses—and her reason—far more than a sane woman could handle.

  “No trouble at all.” He smirked at her as he said it.

  Oh, she just bet. He’d probably enjoyed telling Cam he was taking her home.

  She knew what the man was wanting.

  No more of those kisses. They scrambled her brains just far too much for comfort.

  FIFTY-FOUR

  EZRA LIFTED HER down from the passenger seat of his truck, simply because he wanted to. And he’d gotten out and around the front to her door before she’d been able to gather everything she’d taken to the Chalmers’. He used it to his advantage.

  He lifted her down and brushed a kiss over her brow. Then he took her bag and the empty dish from her. “I’ll help you carry things inside.”

  “Oh, you’re good. You’re really, really good. That strong, silent type exterior hides a real player interior, doesn’t it?” She stopped walking to glare at him.

  Ezra bit back a smirk. “I’ve never been called a player before. But I know my way around with the ladies. Want to see my best moves?”

  “You have so been hanging around Cam way too long.” She stalked past him and up to her front steps. Ezra followed docilely. He wanted to yank her up and drag her inside like the caveman he knew every man truly was.

  His mother had raised him better than that where women were concerned, though. He contained himself.

  They both knew exactly what he wanted. But the ball was in Shannon’s court. He just hoped she was willing to play.

  “May I come in?” Lip service to niceties, but he was going to play the game right with her. He got such a kick out of disconcerting her. “It’s a long drive back to my place. I need to take a break so I’m more alert.”

  “Yeah, right. It’s less than ten minutes. Didn’t that type of line expire when we were in the ninth grade or something? I don’t think it works on more experienced girls, Hahn. Better get some new material.”

  “Still? A drink? It’s awfully hot out here. I’m sunburned, too. Someone needs to take care of me.”

  “Why me?” But her lips twitched. Exactly what he was after. “Alright. You can have one soda. Ten minutes, tops. And no kissing or trying to lure me into bed.”

  “How about the couch?”

  “Ha, ha.”

  FIFTY-FIVE

  WHAT WAS SHE supposed to do with a man like Ezra Hahn in her living room? Shannon busied herself grabbing a cold soda and a glass from the kitchen, then one for herself. “I have some cookies somewhere. If you insist.”

  “I do.”

  She thought about telling him they needed to talk. To make it clear that she couldn’t be distracted by him any longer. But that was her problem. Not his. And if she told him that she couldn’t forget what had happened between them that night, it would give him ammunition she had no doubt the man would use to his advantage.

  He was a master strategist no doubt. Just lying in wait for her to trip up—so he could catch her.

  “What are you after, Hahn? Truth. A good time? A few weeks of sex? I don’t know the rules of this type of game.”

  “Probably because it’s not a game.” He frowned, and his eyes burned right through her. “I’m as serious about you as Cam is Kyra. Something for you to think about.”

  Oh, hell. She wasn’t going to ever be able to breathe again. Not with him looking at her like that. She shivered, and it wasn’t from the air conditioning. “Ezra...why? Because of what happened?”

  “Yes. And for what happened in the three days before. I spent seventy-eight hours thinking only of you. And keeping those bastards from hurting you. Of getting us both out of there. I’ve been in shitty situations before. For just as long. I’ve had to lie there and not move for days. To dissociate myself somehow, just to keep myself from breaking. But knowing you were in trouble, and I was the only one there to help—it twisted something up here.” He touched his head lightly. “Made me have time to think of exactly what you’ve done to me since the moment we first met. And to follow
it up with what we did that night... I can’t forget you, Shannon. And I don’t want to. So, yes. I’m going to at least try to get you to see that, too.”

  He stepped closer.

  Shannon fought the warring urges within her. One said to turn and run. Now. Quickly. As far as she could go. The other said to jump. To grab this man in front of her with both hands and hold on for dear life. Forever.

  They were both equally compelling. Equally as dangerous.

  “Ez—” She had to think of something more to say than his name. Anything.

  But he was right. And he wasn’t the only one who’d changed in that cabin during those three nights of hell. She had, too. She was far less defensive with him. Far less secure in how she felt about the world.

  Far more vulnerable.

  Ten thousand times more afraid—of everything.

  Especially afraid of something that could mean so much if she let it.

  Ezra would be the kind of man who understood exactly what kind of life she led with PAVAD. He would just get it. Like so many of the admittedly small amount of men she had dated before just hadn’t.

  She wouldn’t lie to herself—that knowledge was pretty damned alluring, too. To have someone to understand and get it, just for her, was tempting.

  She’d envied Mia and Leina and Kyra that before. The men in their lives loved and supported them. Completely.

  But was she fooling herself imagining she could ever have that with a man like Ezra?

  She needed to think. Alone. To get it figured out in her head somehow. Then she could decide just how she was going to handle this thing that she’d never expected to happen.

  “I...you confuse me. I was finally getting it. Figuring out my new place here in St. Louis. Friends, people who cared about me. A job a love. I felt secure. Stable. And then...”

  “Then it all changed, and you realized how vulnerable we really are? Hell, you think I don’t get that? I do. I’ve lived with that knowledge since my first damned week in the Army. It’s fleeting. Gone in an instant. You can’t be a coward. You have to grab on with both hands. And just not ever let go.”